This is Dedicated to you…RIP

I’ve been trying to come to grips with your sudden passing…you weren’t ill…you didn’t have any ailments…you did what everyone does every night…you went to sleep, only you didn’t wake up the next morning…you continued to sleep. I couldn’t believe the news when my mother called me while I was driving on my way to Cincinnati. “What…NO…this has to be a joke!!” Gigantic tears swelled up in my eyes and my mother’s voice began to sound like the adults on Charlie Brown, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. I pulled myself together and tried my best to conceal my swollen eyes as I drove on to my destination.

I played it cool when I got there, laughed, joked, smiled, had a few drinks and pretended as if I was ok. I woke up the next morning in the hotel still pretending as if the news was some type of nightmare that must’ve occurred…maybe I fell asleep on the way to Cincy and didn’t realize it…yea that’s it, it was only a stupid nightmare.

When I finally returned home I decided to hop on the rapid, one of your favorite things to do. What was I thinking?! I immediately burst into tears…it finally hit me…it wasn’t a nightmare it was reality. I would NEVER see you again.  “Just go home, it’ll be better once you’re around family”, I told myself. That only made things worse! I’ve been in the house ever since trying to come to grips with you not being here. I’ve read your Facebook timeline a million times…the posts from everyone who loved you…the last posts you posted on your page…

I woke up this morning still thinking of you and wondering if there will be a day that the sting won’t sting as much, wondering when the hurt won’t hurt as much. I gazed out my bedroom window and I thought about YOU…YOU, and everything you stood for, the way you lived your life and why EVERYONE that knew you loved you. The more I sat and thought about YOU I realized that EVERYONE loved you for YOU!!! You NEVER stopped being yourself, you never cared what anyone thought of your clothes, shoes, car, haircut, hobbies, the amount of money you made or didn’t make…you were ALWAYS YOU!!

This is dedicated to you because in your passing you helped me see things with brand new eyes. Although I’ve never really cared what anyone else thought (most people say that but we all care a little) I have a new NEW outlook on life!! Thank you Aubrey…THANK YOU!! I dedicate today and everyday that I live to you. I love you and I ALWAYS will. Here’s to my NEW life and the thought of you looking down smiling, saying “Get the dogs woman!” (insider) Lol!

R.I.P.

08/04/1982-06/17/2012

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